Chores for kids with ADHD or autism: what tends to help

Chores can be harder, and that is not laziness

For many children, ADHD makes it hard to start tasks, holding several steps in mind, noticing how much time has passed, and finishing what they begin. Children on the autism spectrum may find unexpected changes, unclear instructions or sensory aspects of a job very hard. A chore that looks simple to an adult can be a long chain of small demands.

So when a chore does not happen, it helps to ask what part of the job is hard before assuming the child does not want to do it. The ideas below are what many families and organizations that support these children recommend. They are general ideas, not medical advice. Your child’s doctor, therapist or occupational therapist can tailor them to your child.

Make the steps visible

Visual supports are one of the most widely recommended tools. Visual activity schedules, a series of pictures or words showing what comes next, are widely used with autistic children, and therapists often teach them one step at a time. Many ADHD resources, including ADDitude, suggest written lists, whiteboards and checklists to take the load off memory.

• Put the list where the job happens, not just on the fridge. A card in the bathroom for brushing teeth, a list inside the cupboard for the dishwasher.
• Use photos or simple drawings for a child who is not yet reading, or for whom pictures are easier to process.
• Let your child tick off or move each step. The action of finishing one is satisfying and shows progress.
• Keep the layout the same from day to day, so there is nothing new to work out.

Our printable chore charts work well for this, since you can print one, add pictures, and put one in each room.

Break each job into small, single steps

“Clean your room” is a dozen decisions. “Put the dirty clothes in the hamper” is one. Where a job overwhelms, write the individual steps out:

1. 1Pick up all the clothes from the floor.
2. 2Put dirty clothes in the hamper.
3. 3Put clean clothes in the drawer.
4. 4Put books on the shelf.
5. 5Make the bed.

Younger children, or those who are just beginning, may do best with a single step at a time and a check-in after each. As confidence grows, steps can be joined together.

Choose jobs with movement, and add something enjoyable

Many families find that active jobs go better than ones that need sitting still or long concentration. Walking the dog, carrying out recycling, watering plants, raking leaves or shoveling snow are examples. Jobs with a clear end, like putting the cutlery away, tend to be easier than open-ended ones, like tidying.

Pairing a job with music, a podcast or a favorite show can also help, as can a timer for “beat the clock” on short jobs. Folding laundry in front of a program is a common example.

Prompt, then step back

Reminders are a big part of how children with ADHD manage tasks, and there is no shame in needing them. The aim is to make them short, neutral and consistent.

• Use the same wording each time, like “Dishes are next.”
• Name the first step, not the whole job.
• Use a timer, alarm or device reminder so that you are not the voice repeating the same instruction.
• Over time, try giving a little less help as your child gets better at the job.

Reward quickly, and often

Many children with ADHD do better with a small win today than a prize at the end of the month. Points, stickers and quick words of praise work better when they come straight after the job. Understood, which focuses on children who learn and think differently, suggests praising effort, keeping the tone positive and avoiding extra chores as a punishment.

It helps to celebrate small steps, not just a finished job. “You got the clothes in the hamper” is worth saying even if the room is far from done. Our list of 50 rewards for kids can help you find options that are quick to give.

Consistency matters more than perfection

Many families find the same thing: it helps to keep the routine the same, at the same time, in the same order. For autistic children in particular, predictability makes chores less stressful, and a change in the routine is best explained in advance, with a picture if possible.

Expect good days and bad days. A job missed during a hard week, or a meltdown that has little to do with the chore, does not mean the system is broken. Go back to the routine at the next opportunity, and avoid adding penalties on top of an already difficult day.

Choose your first jobs carefully

Start with one job your child is likely to succeed at, something short, with a clear end and, if possible, one they already like. Add a second only when the first has become routine. Our chores by age pages can help you choose, but it is fine to go below the suggested age range. The right level is whatever your child can do with a small amount of help.

If chores are causing distress that seems out of proportion, or your child is struggling in several areas of life, talk to your child’s doctor, school or therapist. They can help you work out what is getting in the way. For more on handling refusals in general, see our guide to what to do when your child refuses chores.

Sources and further reading

• Understood: How to help your child manage chores
• ADDitude: The household chores that work for kids with ADHD (and some that don’t)
• Your Therapy Source: Evidence-based practice and visual activity schedules