Chores for teenagers: what to ask for and how to ask

Teens need a different approach

A sticker chart does not work on a fifteen year old, and neither does a daily list of reminders. Teenagers want more control over their time and more say in decisions, and that is healthy. It also means that how you ask for help matters as much as what you ask for.

The good news is that teens can do almost anything an adult can in a house. The American Academy of Pediatrics’ parenting site, HealthyChildren.org, puts it this way: a teenager who can run a smartphone can run a washing machine, an oven and a dishwasher.

Why bother, when they are so busy?

Between homework, practice, friends and a job, it is tempting to let chores slide for the teen years. The AAP’s guidance disagrees. It says chores build life skills and a sense of shared teamwork, and that work in the home is as valuable as work outside it.

There is a practical reason too. Teens who have never cooked, done laundry or managed a schedule at home arrive at college or a first apartment having to learn it all at once.

Jobs that suit teenagers

Look for jobs with real responsibility, ones where the result matters to the household. Ideas that work well:

• Cook dinner once a week, planning included
• Do their own laundry from start to finish, including putting it away
• Clean the kitchen after a meal
• Take full charge of a pet: feeding, walking, vet appointments
• Mow the lawn, rake leaves or shovel snow
• Wash and vacuum the car
• Grocery shop with a list and a budget (once they can drive or travel with you)
• Supervise or help a younger sibling for an hour

Our chores by age pages list more, sorted by room, for ages 12 and up.

How to ask

Teens usually respond better to a conversation than to an assignment. Try this order.

1. 1Say what the household needs: “I’m doing too much in the evenings and it’s wearing me out.”
2. 2Ask for their input: “What would you rather take on, cooking or laundry?”
3. 3Agree on a deadline and a standard, together: “Dinner on Wednesday, ready by 6:30.”

Let them own whole tasks

Teens tend to bristle at being a pair of hands. Instead of “take out the trash when I ask,” try “you are in charge of the trash. It goes out on Monday night.” That hands over a responsibility, with your trust attached.

It also means stepping back. If a teen owns Wednesday’s dinner, resist the urge to hover or redo it. A meal that is not what you would have made is still a meal they made.

Pay, or not?

Many families keep everyday jobs unpaid, as part of living in the house, and pay for larger extras such as yard work or car washing. Others give a larger allowance and expect a teen to cover some of their own costs, like phone plans or clothes. An allowance also gives older kids practice at negotiating and budgeting.

There is no single right answer. Our guide on paying kids for chores walks through the three common approaches, and the allowance calculator gives a starting amount.

When they say they are too busy

Sometimes they really are. A teen with a heavy school load, a part-time job and a sport has a full week. Treat that seriously, and look at the whole picture. You might reduce chores in exam weeks and add them back later, or swap a daily job for a bigger weekly one.

Even so, agree on a minimum that stays in place in busy weeks, even if it is small, so the habit survives.

When they do not do it

Agree on the consequence before it happens, and tie it to the task: if dinner is not made, your teen makes their own, and if the laundry is not done by Sunday, they wear what is clean. Our guide on what to do when a child refuses chores covers follow-through in more detail.

It is not too late

If your teenager has done very little around the house so far, starting now is still worth it. Begin with one job they own, make it concrete, and build from there. You may be surprised by what they can handle.

Sources and further reading

• American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org): Household Chores for Adolescents