How to run a family chore meeting that kids will not dread
A short weekly meeting can settle chores without nagging. Here is an agenda, how to involve kids of different ages, and what to do when it goes badly.
By the Tasklio team · · 6 min read
Why a meeting beats a daily conversation
Most of the arguments about chores happen in the moment: at the end of a long day, when somebody is tired and the kitchen is a mess. A short, regular meeting moves those conversations to a calmer time, and gives everyone a say.
How often, and how long
A weekly meeting at a regular time works best. One write-up on family meetings, from The Art of Manliness, suggests starting around ten minutes with young children and building up as they mature, with a ceiling of about an hour. For a chore-focused meeting, ten to twenty minutes is plenty.
Pick a moment that already exists, like right after Sunday dinner. Our guide to starting a chore chart suggests the same Sunday-evening slot for a weekly check-in.
A simple agenda
- Start with something good. Each person says one thing they appreciated about someone else this week.
- Look at the calendar. Who needs to be where, and does it change anything?
- Review the chart. What worked well, what went wrong, and what will we work on? These are the three questions the Art of Manliness piece recommends for the family review.
- Handle one problem. Pick the biggest issue and decide on one change.
- Talk about rewards. Is anyone saving for something? Does anything need adding?
- End with something fun, such as a game or a treat.
Giving kids roles
The same article suggests rotating jobs: someone to take notes, someone to choose the activity, someone to bring the snack. That gives children a real part in the meeting and practice at running something.
- Ages 2 to 4: pick the game or hand out the snack.
- Ages 5 to 7: check off the chart, read out the week’s jobs.
- Ages 8 and up: take notes, lead one item, run the timer.
Making decisions together
Kids are more likely to follow a plan they helped to build. When you reach a problem, ask for ideas before you offer your own. Write down every suggestion, even the silly ones, then choose together.
You still have the final say on things that matter, such as safety and basic expectations. It is fine to say so: “I will decide whether the jobs get done, and you can decide which ones you want.” Choices within limits work well for most ages. For a teenager, see our guide to chores for teenagers, which covers negotiation in more depth.
When the meeting goes badly
Some meetings will end in tears, or sulking, or a sibling argument. A few things help:
- Keep it short. A meeting that ends early on a good note beats one that drags on.
- Stay on family-level topics. If one child’s behavior needs a talk, do it separately and privately.
- Do not use the meeting to list everything that has gone wrong. Begin and end with something positive.
- Skip a week if everyone is worn out, and say so, rather than letting it fade without comment.
If meetings keep stalling, look at why chore charts stop working, since the problem may be the chart and not the meeting.
A one-page template
Copy this onto a sheet of paper or a whiteboard:
- Appreciations (everyone, one each)
- Calendar for the week
- Chart review: what worked, what did not, what next
- One problem to solve, one change to try
- Rewards and goals
- Fun activity
You can print a blank chore chart to review at the same time.
Sources and further reading
Try it with a free chore chart
Tasklio tracks chores, points, rewards and allowance for every child in one place. Free, with no app store needed.