The life skills kids learn through chores, and how to teach them

Chores are practice for real life

It is easy to think of chores as a way to keep the house tidy. They are also a way to practice things your child will need at nineteen: cooking a meal, washing clothes, keeping a space clean, and managing time and money.

Thinking of chores as skills changes how you teach them. You show your child how to do it, help until they can manage alone, and then let go. That takes longer at the start, and it pays off when you no longer have to do it.

A simple way to teach any skill

A common way to teach a skill uses four stages, and it helps to know which one your child is at:

1. 1I do it, you watch. Explain what you are doing as you do it, in short sentences.
2. 2We do it together. Your child does the steps, and you do the harder ones.
3. 3You do it, I watch. Stay close, and keep your hands in your pockets. Praise what they get right before you fix what they do not.
4. 4You do it alone. Check in afterwards, not during.

Skills for little ones (ages 2 to 7)

At this stage the point is to build the habit of helping and to give a child a sense of being capable. Jobs are short, physical and have a visible result.

• Sorting: socks into pairs, laundry by color, toys into bins
• Pouring and carrying: water for the pets, putting plates on the table
• Washing plastic dishes in the sink with help, wiping a table with a damp cloth
• Dressing and tidying themselves, such as putting dirty clothes in the hamper

Expect uneven results. A table wiped with a wet cloth, in a spiral, has still been wiped. Our guides to chores for toddlers and preschoolers and ages 5 to 7 have more ideas.

Skills for school age (ages 8 to 11)

Children of this age can follow several steps in order, which opens up more real jobs. This is a good time to hand over whole tasks and not just parts of them.

• Laundry: carry it to the machine, learn what the symbols mean, load and fold with help. By the end of this stage many children can do a basic load on their own.
• Kitchen: make a simple breakfast or sandwich, set and clear the table, load and unload the dishwasher, learn basic knife and stove safety with an adult nearby.
• Cleaning: sweep, vacuum, clean a bathroom sink and mirror, tidy a room.
• Money: save for something they want, count change, and make a choice about how to spend a small allowance. Our allowance calculator can help set a starting amount.
• Time: use a simple checklist or visual chart for the morning and evening routine.

How much supervision is right depends on the child and the task. Heat, sharp knives and cleaning products need an adult close by until you are confident, whatever your child’s age.

Skills for the teen years (ages 12 to 17)

By this stage the goal is independence. A teenager who can run a household for a week, with you in the background, is ready for the next step. For more on how to ask, see our guide to chores for teenagers.

• Cook a full meal from a recipe, including planning, shopping and cleaning up
• Do all of their own laundry, including bedding and stains
• Clean a kitchen and bathroom to a good standard
• Make and keep appointments, and manage a calendar
• Budget an allowance or part-time wage, and understand how a bank account, card and bill work
• Basic home care: change a light bulb, use a plunger, fix a flat bike tire, and know where the breaker box is (with an adult showing them how to reset a tripped breaker)
• Take care of a pet, a younger sibling or a garden without reminders

Chores that build planning and memory

Some jobs are especially good for building planning and memory, because they have several steps and need a child to keep track of them. Cooking is the obvious one. A 2022 study found a link between doing more self-care and family chores and better working memory and inhibition, and its authors thought multi-step jobs such as cooking might help most. They also said that needs testing in children, so treat it as a promising idea. We cover the research in what the studies really say about chores.

In practice, the lesson is simple. Give your child a real, multi-step job from time to time, such as planning dinner for the family or packing for a trip, and not only single-step tasks.

When things go wrong

Your child will burn the toast, shrink a sweater and leave a bathroom streaky. These are part of learning, and the way you respond matters. Say what went well. Show the fix. Make sure the cost of a mistake is small, for example by letting a young child practice on old towels, not good ones.

If a child is frustrated, shrink the job. Our guide to what to do when your child refuses chores has ways to do this.

A checklist for leaving home

Here is a rough checklist to look at around age sixteen. If your teenager can do most of these, they are in good shape. If not, you have a year or two to practice:

• Cook five meals they would happily eat
• Wash, dry and fold a week of clothes
• Clean a bathroom and kitchen
• Keep to a budget for a month
• Make a doctor or dentist appointment
• Read a lease, a bill or a contract with a parent’s help

Sources and further reading

• American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org): Household Chores for Adolescents
• ADDitude: Chores for kids may improve executive functioning skills